


Something Inbetween

by Winters_Sister



Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Timeline to Avengers Age Of Ultron, Avengers Tower, Bucky Barnes & Sam Wilson Friendship, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Bucky Barnes & Thor Friendship, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Returns, Bucky has Winter Soldier moments, Bucky is trying to work out who he is now, Gen, He knows he's not Winter Soldier anymore but he's not Bucky Barnes either, Minor Violence, Minor reference to torture, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Marvel Characters may show up, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson Friendship, sam and bucky bickering, trying to reconcile who he is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-05-30 05:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6409858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winters_Sister/pseuds/Winters_Sister
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky has been located, brought in, de-briefed and released into Steve's custody. He's moved into Avengers Tower and has been given his own quarters. Now he can begin piecing his life back together and getting to know the people he'll be working with along side Steve. </p><p>One thing rapidly becomes clear, he's not really Bucky Barnes any more, but he's not the Winter Soldier either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As always with my writing, please be aware that the spelling and use of language is in line with British use of English, as I am English. I do try to make anything said by American characters sound as authentic as I can. I have the help of my lovely American editor on that front.
> 
> I'm choosing not to include the events of Avengers: Age of Ultron, purely because I wanted to use JARVIS, not Vision.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve hears Bucky is behaving oddly. Thor meets him in the gym and finds something out about him.

Steve is where you'd always find him in the early morning of a warm summer's day, on the roof terrace garden in Avengers Tower looking out over the city of New York as it woke up and started the day.  
  
He found himself staring off into the distance, re-running the events of the last few months since he'd discovered that his best friend was not only alive, but also who he had become. He couldn't begin to imagine what Bucky had gone through, the things he'd seen, the horrific acts he'd committed. He could only hope the brainwashing and memory loss prevented him from recalling the worst of it.  
  
Then there is the image stuck in his head, of falling from the heli-carrier into the water and of a metal arm reaching down into the water as he passed out, undoubtedly saving his life.  
  
"Hey Cap?"  
  
The voice cut through Steve's thoughts, bringing him back to the here and now. "Oh hey, Sam. I was ... miles away" he replies forcing a slight smile.

“I just saw Bucky in the corridor and completely ignored me” says Sam taking a sip of his coffee, “I said ‘Hi’, and he just stared at me blankly. Then he turned and walked off in the opposite direction.”

That's odd. Bucky doesn't say much to anyone these days, but not speaking to Sam is a bit of a surprise. The two of them had hit it off and even gone running together a few times, until Sam had realised that once Bucky got warmed up he'd consistently lap him in a similar way to the way Steve does, Bucky may even be a little faster.  
  
"Thanks Sam, I'll go find him and see what's up" Steve says as he walks back inside as Sam sits on a bench with his coffee.  
  
Where would Bucky go? He hadn't been here long, having only just gained his security clearance and been transferred here from the SHIELD facility that was debriefing him. Steve still had to find out exactly what that meant, but suspected lots of tests, scans, talking to psychologists, just like he had gone through when he woke from the ice. Though he suspected it was probably with more threat assessments designed to reveal if Bucky was still a danger to those around him, and, of course, himself.  
  
Steve isn't sure if Bucky is still in the tower, but there's one way to find out. He heads to the towers operations centre to check the internal CCTV and locate him. Steve is somewhat surprised to discover that Stark is already in there staring intently at a monitor.  "A little early for you isn't it, Stark?"

“Maybe a few years ago that'd be true, but Pepper is kind of making an honest man of me these days” Tony replies dragging his gaze from the monitors to look Steve up and down.

To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?  I'm sure you didn't come here to make small talk with me, Rogers. What brings you here?”

“I'm not here to talk to you, I'm here check out the CCTV, I need to know if Bucky left the building or not.”

“Well that's easy enough to resolve”, Tony turns back to the bank of monitors, "Jarvis."  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"Give me the location of the Captain's boyfriend."  
  
"If by boyfriend you mean James Barnes, Sir, then I can confirm he is in the gym with Thor and it appears things are getting somewhat animated.", the AI replied in an even and measured tone.  
  
"I'd get down there Rogers, he might fall for Thor's charms, and you don't want him running off with another guy", Tony dead pans to a now empty room, as Steve had left the moment Jarvis finished speaking.  
  
"Huh..." Tony realises he's been talking to himself, "Jarvis, show me the security camera feed from gym area, this should be worth watching"

\----------------

The gym in Avengers Tower occupied the majority of one floor, just below the habitation levels. The remainder of the floor housing a swimming pool, sauna, jacuzzi and steam room. The gym is fully equipped with cardio equipment, a weights area, a boxing zone including a boxing ring, plus a matted area where everything from martial arts to yoga could be practiced, though as Tony had said, ‘Not at the same time’.

Thor finishing his workout. In his now customary attempt to blend in with humans, he's wearing a white t-shirt, black sweatpants and Converse, with his long blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail.

Thor would be the first to admit he didn't need to exercise for fitness reasons, but he did need to do some physical training. He could not sit idly waiting for the next mission to come along. On Asgard he'd train with his warrior companions, but he was a lone Asgardian here on earth and he knew most humans would not cope well with the training he was more accustomed to. He suspected Steve would be able to withstand the rigours of Asgardian battle training, but hadn't had an opportunity to test this assumption.

It came as a surprise to see the Tower’s newest resident walk in. Thor had read The Winter Soldier file, but hadn't had a chance to speak to the man it referred to. From what Stark had said after his first meeting with Bucky, he gathered the former assassin was a man of few words.

This is the first time Thor is able to get a really good look at Bucky. He notes Bucky is fairly tall, strongly built, with long dark hair pulled back in a ponytail, a day or two beard growth and striking grey-blue eyes. Then there is the metal arm he'd read about. The only other time he’d seen Bucky before the arm was covered by his shirt, now however the brunette is wearing a sleeveless top. Thor can see the arm for the first time and is struck by both the workmanship of its construction and the strange beauty of its appearance. Realising he's been staring at the arm for quite a while, Thor drags his gaze away from it and introduces himself.

“Good morning, I do not believe we have had chance to become properly acquainted, I am Thor.”

Bucky stands perfectly still and fixes Thor with a cold hard stare, saying nothing. His metal arm’s armour plates open and close slightly and a faint whirring noises come from the arm. The internal mechanisms spring into action as Bucky clenches and unclenches his fist. His flesh hand follows suit with the metal arm.

Thor notices this response, but is unsure why Bucky appears tense. Continuing to watch him very closely, he continues, “I shall not get in your way, I have just finished here”, as he goes to walk towards the door, “I shall leave you to your workout.”

The second Thor finishes speaking Bucky lunges at him, pushing him. Thor taken by surprise stumbles backwards, narrowly avoiding a punch bag hanging from the ceiling.

Bucky goes to punch Thor using his metal arm. Thor sees it coming and dodges sideways, causing Bucky to miss him. Instead the punch connects solidly with the punch bag. The impact causes it to fly off the hook it was suspended from, bursting open and spilling sand across the floor.

It seems to take Bucky a second to register what happened, but then refocuses and goes after Thor again. The next punch hits the mark landing solidly in Thor’s midriff, followed quickly by a second to the same area. Thor stumbles slightly from the blows as his mind races, then he quickly formulates a plan to defend himself while inflicting minimal damage to Bucky.

“Bucky, I do not wish to hurt you. But I must stop you”, he states calmly while dodging the next blow.

Bucky seems to become more determined, but the next blows are less controlled. Thor can use this lack of control to his advantage, he feels he can get the better of Bucky, but he can see he may have to knock Bucky out.

“Bucky stop!”, he exclaims in a commanding tone.

He continues to block or avoid blows, causing Bucky to become increasingly enraged the more this happens, then in blind frustration Bucky overreaches himself. Thor sidesteps the blow and sweeps Bucky's legs from under him, causing him to land face down on the floor with a heavy thump. He moves quickly to pin Bucky to the floor, sitting astride him holding the metal arm to the floor beside Bucky's head and his flesh arm quickly bent up his back in an armlock.

“Bucky, you must stop” he says in a more quiet and even tone.

All fight seems to leave Bucky as suddenly as it arrived. Then, in a quiet voice that sounds like it's seldom used, he replies, ‘I'm not Bucky, don't call me that’ His voice cracking and tailing off as he finishes speaking.

Thor is somewhat taken aback by this response and it takes him a second to register that the brunette has tears rolling down his face. Seeing that Bucky is no longer a threat, he releases his grip on Bucky's arms and climbs off of him. Bucky rolls on to his right side, curling up into a ball using his metal arm to shield his head as the tears flow more freely. Loud sobs tear themselves from his body, causing his entire being to shake.

He remains squatted by the former assassin for a moment, unsure of what to do next. As the sobbing continues unabated, he repositions himself to sit on the floor close to Bucky, but behind him. Then in a soft and gentle tone he admits, “I am sorry, I do not know what to say to help you, Bu…”‘, he stops himself, ‘“my friend”. Reaching out he gently places his hand on Bucky's shoulder.

The sobbing subsides into a series of long drawn out gasps and sniffling as Bucky fights to regain his composure. As he calms and his breathing becomes more regular, he moves his metal hand away from his head and gently places it on Thor’s hand. He looks down at the metal hand, the coolness of it on his skin makes him shiver slightly.

“It's ok”, Bucky says between sniffling noises, in a voice barely louder than a whisper. “Nobody knows how to help me”. Removing his metal hand from Thor's hand, and turning his face towards him.

He looks down at Bucky's tear stained face removing his hand from the brunette’s shoulder. The two men stare at each other briefly, before he pulls away slightly, allowing Bucky the space he needs to roll onto his back and sit up. Bucky raises his right hand to his face and starts wiping away the tears.

When Bucky looks towards Thor again he is momentarily lost in thought. Realising Bucky is looking at him says “Things are not as bleak as they seem, My friend”.

“Call me James”.

“Very well then, James it is,” he replies smiling slightly as he sees Steve entering the room his face etched with concern.

Thor stands, turning to face Bucky extending his hand, which Bucky grabs and he helps pull him up. Both of them turn to face Steve.

“Ah, Captain, James and I were…. Err…. Becoming acquainted”, he says, placing a hand on Bucky's shoulder, a huge warm smile spreading on across his face as he looks from Bucky to Steve.

“James?”, says Steve looking utterly baffled.

“Yes indeed, he assures me that he prefers James”.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this at the beginning of October 2015, but I've only just got round to publishing it. It occurred to me that Bucky may not be Bucky Barnes or Winter Soldier, but something inbetween, hence the title. Then as more details of Captain America: Civil War came out it was confirmed by Sebastian Stan in interviews that Bucky is something inbetween. Nice to know I'm vaguely on the right lines, though my story is nothing like the Civil War story.
> 
> Please let me know what you think, I'm happy to hear any feedback or constructive criticism.
> 
> If you spot any errors that myself and my editor have missed let me know and I'll fix as soon as I can.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Jarvis search for information on Bucky's metal arm, Tony discovers more than he bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the long delay in getting this chapter up. I've been working on other projects. 
> 
> As always with my writing, please be aware that the spelling and use of language is in line with British use of English, as I am English. I do try to make anything said by American characters sound as authentic as I can. I have the help of my lovely American editor on that front.
> 
> This chapter has had a rewrite after seeing Captian America: Civil War, mainly around how Tony deals with Bucky.

Tony looks away from the security camera footage. “That was disappointing. Thought Barnes would give a better account of himself.”

“Sir?”

“World’s most deadly assassin, really?” Tony’s voice barely concealing a tone of incredulity.

“According to the SHIELD file, The Winter Soldier is credited with more than two dozen assassinations over the last 50 years, including...”

“Yes Jarvis, I read the file!” Tony snaps, cutting off the AI mid-sentence and stalking out of the operation centre.

He arrives at his quarters, lost in thought. Walking into the lounge he pauses, glancing towards the bar, then over to the clock on the wall. He shakes his head and steps into the kitchen area returning to the lounge a few moments later with a cup of coffee.

Placing the cup on a table Tony paces up and down, running his hand through his hair. The questions about Bucky's role in his parents death continue to weigh on his mind, along with even more questions about Bucky's incredibly advanced metal arm, fills him with a strange mixture of feelings he struggles to resolve. He pauses in his pacing to speak. “Jarvis.”

“Yes Sir.”

“How much have you been able to learn about Barnes’ metal arm?”

He'd certainly like to see what he can learn about the arm, which would involve working with Bucky. But could he work with the man who killed his parents, even if it was against his will?

“Not much, Sir. SHIELD archives have very few records on the arm, it's technology, or indeed anything that has happened to James Barnes in the years since his apparent death in 1944.”

“Not too surprising really, Fury seemed to know nothing about the existence of the Winter Soldier until he was targeted by him in D.C., but how accurate that is is anybody's guess. We all know how Fury feels about opening up and sharing.” Tony says rolling his eyes, “Any other sources, Jarvis?”

“The KGB file supplied by Captain Rogers and Agent Romanoff has some additional information, but it focuses mainly on the protocols around handling and storage of ‘The Soldier’.” Jarvis replies showing the information on the holographic display that floats in mid-air just in front of where Tony is standing. He reads through the information, flicking the virtual pages over, his expression becoming increasingly shocked as he goes.

“This makes him sound like a piece of equipment, not a human being!” Tony replies in an astonished tone. The information showing the man responsible for his parents death was treated in such a brutal and dehumanising way hits Tony hard. As much as he may want to hate Bucky for what he did, he can see that Bucky is as much of a victim as the people he targeted. “Barnes was a good man before those bastards in Hydra got him.”

“Indeed, Sir.”

Tony falls silent for a long time, his mind churning. “Is this all we have, Jarvis?”

“I have started searching the encrypted Hydra files released on the internet by Agent Romanoff after the D.C. incident. This has yielded a limited amount of additional information, however the search is far from complete.”

“How much longer will it take?”

“It may take several more days, Sir.” Jarvis replied “Cracking the encryption is proving to be more time consuming than originally anticipated, different methods have been used on files from different eras. But some methods continued to be used long after they were superseded by more advanced methods. There seem to be as many methods for encrypting as there are Hydra agents.”

“So it's not even as simple as applying a decryption key to all files from a particular time period?”

“No Sir, I'm having to try all methods against all files, using the keys in chronological order, the newer they are the more decryption keys I have to try. Some do not decrypt even then, resulting in my having to crack the code from scratch. However, once I have a complete set of decryption keys the whole process should speed up significantly.”

“It's never easy, is it?” Tony muses.

“No, Sir. I'll display the relevant files that I have successfully decrypted for you. Would you like me to summarise for you?”

“No, I thought it'd be a more productive use of my time to read through them myself.”

“Very well, Sir. There are 49 files in total.” Jarvis replies as Tony starts flipping through the virtual files.

“3 which contain vague mentions of ‘The Solder’.”

“10 relate to attempts to recreate the super soldier serum, including a report into a study performed to see if super soldier abilities are hard coded into DNA and if so could it be passed on genetically.”

“I've just spotted that one, Jarvis. My god, it details collection of samples of his….” Tony pauses, silent for a second looking visibly shocked, “What is wrong with these people?” Before closing and tossing that particular virtual file to a side.

“19 relate to the training of Soviet agents, including Red Room protocols.” Jarvis continues,” It would seem that ‘The Soldier’ was used to teach some of the fighting techniques.”

“17 relate to brain washing and drug regimen to keep ‘The Soldier’ compliant. But nothing of a technical nature relating to his arm as yet.”

“I see.” Tony replies pausing from his pacing the room while stroking his beard absent-mindedly. “The technology used to construct his arm, it dates back to the war, doesn't it?”

”That is what my initial assessment of the arm indicated, however further scans have been inconclusive, Sir. It may have been upgraded and it's definitely been repaired.”

“Not very helpful, Jarvis.”

“Sorry, Sir.”

“It's clearly incredibly advanced, even if it's been upgraded since it was first constructed. It's still miles ahead of most modern artificial limb technology. I have so many questions about it. Does it have a power source? How does he control it? How much feedback does he get from it?”

“Perhaps you should try asking him, Sir.”

“There are lots of things I ought to talk to him about, including his involvement in my parents deaths.” Tony snaps.

Taking a sip of his now cold coffee, Tony grimaces and returns to the kitchen area to tip the rest of the cup down the sink and pour another cup. Fresh coffee in hand he wanders over towards the window.

“Indeed, Sir. But it is far from clear how much recollection the individual that is James Barnes has of the things he was ordered to do while under Hydra’s control. I am yet to receive the file on his debriefing from SHIELD. You may have to accept that he may not be able to shed any further light on the subject.”

“But that doesn't mean I shouldn't ask.” Tony stands staring out of a window, slowly sipping his coffee, obviously wrestling with his conflicting emotions.

Finishing up his coffee Tony comes to a decision. “Jarvis, where is Barnes right now?”

“He's in the games room with Thor and Captain Rogers, Sir.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having seen Civil War I came to a conclusion that my version of Tony could not possibly be as angry with Bucky as Tony was in the film, I've re-written this chapter to allow a suitable reaction from Tony without him going off the deep end. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think, I'm happy to hear any feedback or constructive criticism.
> 
> If you spot any errors that myself and my editor have missed let me know and I'll fix as soon as I can.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve, Thor and Bucky's downtime in the games room is interrupted by Tony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always with my writing, please be aware that the spelling and use of language is in line with British use of English, as I am English. I do try to make anything said by American characters sound as authentic as I can. I have the help of my lovely American editor on that front.

In the games room Steve is leaning on the edge of a table, watching Thor and Bucky playing pool.

Bucky is standing like a statue, unmoving and silent, with his feet hip-width apart, the butt-end of the cue resting on the floor and both hands wrapped round it near the top, staring at Thor who was continuing to clear the table.

“This would be a considerably easier endeavour if James was not watching me so intently,” Thor grumbles as he misses a shot leaving Bucky with an easy pot.

Bucky moves to the table placing his metal hand down to form a bridge, he carefully lines up the shot, before looking up at Thor. “It's been a while since I done this,” he says before knocking the ball in with perfect precision.

“I don't ever recall you playing pool, Buck… Sorry! I mean, James.” Steve says quickly correcting himself when Bucky glances up from his next shot with a murderous stare on his face. “I swear I'll never get used to calling you that, even if I live to be a hundred,” he smiles awkwardly.

Bucky misses his next shot stepping away from the table and leans his cue against the wall. He steps closer to Steve. “Call me Bucky again and you might not make it.” He states in a menacing tone, his face fixed in a cold hard stare, his long dark hair curtaining his face.

Thor looks from one man to the other looking worried.

Steve stands holding his hands up in a calming gesture, his face a mask of concern, “I'm sorry, James.”

Bucky springs forward grabbing Steve, grappling with him briefly before getting him in a headlock. He scrubs his knuckles of his flesh hand across the top of Steve's head, messing up his hair in the process, before letting go. “Kinda expect it to take you a while to get used to it, you dumb punk.” A huge grin spreads across his face.

It takes Steve a moment before he realises what just happened, holding his head where Bucky had just rubbed it. “You had me worried there, you jerk!” Steve looks from Bucky to Thor whose expression has turned from one of concern to amusement.

“It would appear that James is having a little joke at your expense, Captain.” Thor chuckles.

“So it would seem and it's the first time I've seen him smile since he's been here, maybe we should call this progress.” Steve smiles.

Bucky moves forward and embraces Steve. “You're a punk.”

“Jerk.” Steve slaps Bucky on the back before letting go and stepping back.

“It is heartwarming to see you two bonding.” Thor steps forward placing one hand on each mans shoulder.

“I hate to break up the little love-in that's going on here, but Barnes and I need to talk.” Tony announces from the doorway to the room.

“I thought you might wanna, at some point.” Bucky states in a matter of fact tone. “I can guess what about too.”

“My parents would be one of the subjects, yeah, but not the only thing.” Tony replied his tone calm and even.

Bucky takes a moment to assess Tony’s demeanour. “I guess from your body language you'd rather take this somewhere else?”

“Smarter than you look, Barnes.” Tony dead pans. “Let's continue this in my lab.”

“Tony, why do you want James in your lab?” Steve asks stepping closer to Bucky looking concerned.

“Stand down, Cap. I'm not gonna dismantle his arm, well not without asking his permission first. Why don't you and Thor continue your game and Robocop and I will have a nice little chat.”

“Robocop?” Steve and Thor reply in unison.

Tony rolls his eyes. looking at Bucky who looks just as baffled. “Really? Heaven save me from ancient super soldiers and demigods.” Tony pauses briefly before continuing, “Jarvis, please see to it that next movie night includes a screening of Robocop, the latest one.”

“Yes, Sir. Anything else?”

“Prepare the lab for me. Buckaroo and I are gonna have a long overdue conversation in there.” Tony looks over to Bucky, “Shall we, Sergeant?”

“Are you sure you don't want me with you, James?” Steve checks while struggling to put aside the urge to protect Bucky.

“For god's sake Cap, if I was gonna try and steal your boyfriend I wouldn't be taking him to the lab! I'm sure he's more than capable of looking after himself if the mess in the gym is anything to go by.”

Steve looks over at Bucky, who smiles slightly and nods. Steve sighs and shrugs his shoulders.”Fine. And Stark, he's not my boyfriend.”

“Sure he's not.” Tony replies, gesturing for Bucky to follow him.

“I'm not his boyfriend.” Bucky mutters darkly as he leaves the room. Tony glances over his shoulder at Steve a mischievous smile on his face.

\-------------------------------------------------------

After not speaking on the short journey, Tony and Bucky quietly arrive in the lab. Tony enters, but Bucky stands in the doorway his eyes scanning the room.

On the far wall there are several of Tony's Iron Man suits each standing in its own alcove. All are slightly different to each other. The rest of the room has computers and other electronic equipment. One wall features a large interactive screen; currently displaying the status of the building's security system, plus a small display of a news channel.

“Step inside would you, Barnes. I don't need a six foot, 200 plus pound door stop with a metal arm.” Tony says in a joking tone.

“Ok.” Bucky replies quietly, his eyes fixed on the suits on the back wall.

“They're not gonna move on their own, Sergeant. Relax.”

“Right.” Bucky's tone and body language suggests he doesn't entirely believe Tony. But he steps into the room anyway, looking round as if unsure where to stand or what to do.

“Let me level with you, Sarge. When I found out that you were the one who killed my mom, I wanted to hunt you down and make you pay. In the process of searching for you, more and more information came to light and it became clear to me that you are as much of a victim as the people you targeted.”

Bucky shifted his position slightly and looks down at his feet, his long hair curtaining his face partially obscuring it.

“Part of me still wants to put on one of those suits and go a few rounds with you. Not sure who'd come off worse, but it might make me feel a bit better.” Tony continued.

“Oh.” Bucky glances up to check on Tony's expression before returning to staring at the floor.

“Oh? Is that all you have to say for yourself? I tell you I'd like to knock your head off and all you can say is ‘Oh’?” Tony suspected the conversation would be somewhat one sided, Bucky was a man of few words, but this is worse than he imagined.

Bucky looks up from the spot on the floor he's been intently staring at, looking directly at Tony. He pauses for a moment before responding matter of factly, “It's an understandable reaction, given what I've done.”

“What you did? If what I've read is accurate, you weren't in control of your actions, which is why me trying to beat several shades out of you wouldn't really achieve anything.”

Bucky shifts his weight from side to side and then begins pacing up and down like a caged animal. An unreadable expression on his face.

Tony watches Bucky, his large muscular body moves fluidly and silently, his movements are almost feline. It's not hard to imagine him being capable of sneaking up behind someone and dispatching them without a sound. That thought sends a shiver down Tony's spine. He takes a second before continuing.

“The files show the Winter Soldier is credited with more than two dozen assassinations. How many do you remember?”

“I remember all of them.” He replies in a sad tone. His face drained of colour. He pauses in his pacing to stare up at the ceiling, wrapping his arms round himself.

Tony is taken aback by his reply, he'd assumed that all the brainwashing and mind wipes would have robbed Bucky of much recollection. “All of them?”

Bucky turns to look at Tony, his arms dropping to hang by his sides, his voice barely more than a whisper. “Yes.”

“My god!”

Tony doesn't know quite what to do with this information. He falls silent. Then scrubbing his hands over his face exclaims “Well I think it's safe to say that's not the reply I was expecting!”

Bucky shrugs his shoulders, then rakes his fingers through his hair, pushing it back from his face.

Tony knows he's been avoiding the question he really wants an answer to, he steels himself before saying “I have to ask about my parents.”

Bucky picks up on Tony's discomfort, he takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “The Hydra programming allows me to recall the mission report, but that probably won't be much comfort to you.” He says bitterly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and back, he looks away, his eyes settling on the news channel displayed on the wall.

“Did they suffer?”

Bucky looks Tony directly in the eye before responding in a measured tone. “The Soviets were very clear that, any kill must be a clean one. The training I received ensured it was quick and painless.”

Tony just stares at Bucky, his mouth opening and closing, but no words coming out.

Bucky continues looking at Tony, before looking back to the news channel. An uneasy silence descends. The two men stand there for what seems like hours. Tony wondering what to do next and Bucky wondering if Tony is done with him.

Eventually after several minutes, Jarvis speaks up. “Sir, the scanning protocol you requested is set up. Would you like to proceed with it now or have Sergeant Barnes return at a later date?”

Tony goes to reply, but Bucky speaks before he has chance, “That still freaks me out!”

“Huh?”

“The building answering you back, a voice coming from nowhere. It's… it’s unsettling.” Bucky looks round the room as if he's looking for someone else or a monitor with someone’s face on it.

“Well gee, I thought Grandpa Rogers had explained about all this newfangled modern technology, Jim Bob?” Tony gestures indicating the tech in the room, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“I note sarcasm runs in the family, you're just like your old man. He used it as a defense mechanism, too.” A slight smirk appears briefly on Bucky face, as memories of Tony's father bubble to the surface of his mind, before his serious demeanour returns. ”Now are you gonna get on with playing lab rat with me, like your imaginary friend Jarvis mentioned, or are we done?”

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it seems Tony may finally get the information on Bucky's arm that he desires. But can he do anything to help Bucky?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony wants to get his hands on the metal arm, is Bucky ready to comply?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always with my writing, please be aware that the spelling and use of language is in line with British use of English, as I am English. I do try to make anything said by American characters sound as authentic as I can. I have the help of my lovely American editor on that front.
> 
> I'm choosing not to include the events of Avengers: Age of Ultron, purely because I wanted to use JARVIS, not Vision.
> 
> I'm not going to attempt to translate anything into foreign languages. When a character isn't speaking English it'll be indicated with pointed brackets at either end of the words spoken. Think of it as the written equivalent of subtitles :)

Bucky stands on the podium in the middle of a circular scanning area, dressed only in a pair of shorts, his long dark hair curtaining his face, his expression blank. Robots flank him, their metal arms holding various scanning devices, moving up and down, circling him

A few feet away, Tony stands at a virtual display looking at the output from the devices. He is focusing on what he can learn about the metal arm. 

The scans reveal just how extensive and invasive the surgery was that attached the metal arm to Bucky's body. A high tech alloy has been used to reinforce the shoulder joint to accommodate a metal humerus. There are special attachment points on that artificial bone for the tendons of Bucky's upper body muscles on his left hand side. The scans also reveal extensive integration to Bucky's nervous system allowing him to control the limb, possibly gain feedback from it, and feel pressure, heat and cold.

There are some things that Tony has never seen the like of before and some kind of power source that appears to have a blood supply. Maybe the metal arm takes nutrients from the body and turns them into power?  That is by no means clear from the scans and a full understanding may only be achieved by opening up the arm. Tony's mind races through the possibilities as he curses the fact that biology and medicine have never really been strong subjects for him.

The longer the scanning goes on the more uncomfortable Bucky becomes. Sweat glistens on his tanned skin, even though it's not excessively warm in the room. He feels his pulse quicken. His muscles tense and the armour plates on his metal arm shift, opening and closing accompanied by a soft whirring sound.

 _Not now_ , he thinks, _now is not the time._ He feels the Soldier stir within his mind. He takes a deep breath in, slowly counting to ten as he does. He pauses for a second before breathing out just as slowly, but it has little effect. Flashbacks of Soviet and Hydra scientists performing tests, upgrading his arm, preparing him for missions or patching him up fill Bucky's mind as his grip on reality slips and the Soldier asserts control.

Tony, so engrossed in the data he's looking at, is entirely oblivious to Bucky's increasingly agitated state. However, Jarvis being ever vigilant quickly picks up on the change in Bucky's vitals.

“Sir, it appears that Sergeant Barnes is experiencing some distress, his pulse rate is elevated…”

Jarvis’ warning is cut short as Bucky lashes out at the closest of the robots, sending the device it was holding flying; smashing to pieces as it hits the floor. A few seconds later Bucky's metal arm connects solidly with the robot, knocking it over. The other robots back off as Jarvis moves them away from the increasingly agitated super soldier. 

Bucky spins round to face Tony, a cold hard expression on his face, his breathing deep and slightly laboured from his exertion. He adopts a fighting stance. Bucky is unarmed, but the thought crosses Tony’s mind that actual weapons are not really required, as the metal arm is a formidable weapon in its own right.

Without his armour Tony knows the result of any altercation between them would not end well. Thor may be able to withstand Bucky's assault. He would not be so lucky.

“Jarvis, get me a suit NOW!” Tony shouts, as Bucky steps toward him. Tony steps back and a suit of armour quickly assembles around him.

“I've contacted Captain Rogers, Sir. He's on his way to the lab.”

“Excellent, any ideas on how to get Metal Mickey here to stand down?” Tony sounding uncharacteristically flustered. Two more suits activate and move towards Bucky.

“I could flood the room with an anaesthetic gas. Though, I am unsure what concentration would be required to render the Sergeant unconscious. The filters in the armour would probably ensure that you would be unaffected, Sir.”

“Not very reassuring, Jarvis.” Tony replies readying himself for a fight. The other Iron Man suits continue to move toward Bucky attracting his attention as he realises that there are more targets around him.

Just as Bucky is about to attack one of the other suits Steve runs in the scanning lab, skidding to a halt. He's clutching a small black notebook. He pauses to take in the situation before opening the notebook, takes a deep breath and barks out a few words in Russian, hoping his pronunciation is good enough.

Bucky freezes. He remains stationary for a second before pulling himself to his full height while standing to attention, staring straight ahead with a blank expression on his face. Then he replies in a low tone, his voice thick with a heavy Russian accent. “<<Ready to comply>>”

“What the hell did you just say to him, Rogers?” Tony asks in an astonished tone as the helmet of his armour retracts like a hood and disappears inside the body of the armour.

“I ordered the Soldier to stand down.”

“Well at least that stopped him before he managed to extensively redesign the lab. But what do we do with him now?” Tony asks, continuing to stare warily at Bucky who remains stationary.

Before Steve has chance to speak Jarvis responds, “I would recommend discontinuing the scanning procedures, Sir. I have sufficient data to answer many of your questions. Does Captain Rogers know how to command him to rest? That may allow the personality of Sergeant Barnes to regain control.”

“I hope so. I think this is the relevant part, according to what Nat told me.” Steve looks from Bucky to the notebook, running his fingers through his hair. “Though, I could use some help with the pronunciation.”

“If I can scan that page, Captain, I believe I will be able to do that for you. If you'd be so kind as to place the book on the table to your right.”

Steve places the notebook on the table opened to the relevant page. Glancing up to see what, if anything, Bucky is doing. But Bucky hasn't moved a muscle since Steve commanded him to stop.

Jarvis speaks a few words in Russian and Bucky moves to sit on a nearby chair staring at straight ahead, unmoving. After a short time he closes his eyes.

Steve turns to Tony before continuing, “What on earth did you do, Stark?”

“He was standing on the scanning podium, things were going swimmingly and then all hell broke loose.” Tony explains.

While Tony and Steve continue talking, Bucky appears to be asleep. He remains that way for the best part of fifteen minutes before his eyes slowly open and he shifts in his seat, blinking and looking bewildered.  

“What happened?” Bucky asks in a quiet voice, his accent back to normal. He looks around the room taking in the damaged robot and scanning device smashed to pieces on the floor. “Did I hurt anyone?”

“Well, Dum-E isn't too happy.” Tony deadpans, indicating the downed robot.

Bucky lowers his head, his hair obscuring his face. When he raises his gaze, there is a sheepish look on his face. He says “sorry” in a voice no more than a whisper, wringing his hands. He slowly stands up.

“This little incident makes me question just how safe it is to be around Robocop here.” Tony says looking from Steve to Bucky. “Makes me wonder if Coulson and his buddies had any clue what they were doing when they assessed him.” Tony takes a step closer to Bucky, staring him in the eye.

Bucky meets Tony's gaze unflinching and stoic.

“Cap, your buddy here needs help.” Tony states as he turns to face Steve. “One thing all of this mess shows is obviously whatever Hydra did to him, the programming is still there, but I think Jimmy here already knows that.” Tony indicates Bucky as he speaks. “The question is what to do about it?”

Steve goes to speak, but Tony raises a hand to silence him, before continuing. “Don't worry Cap, I'm not blaming him, what Barnes has been through no one should go through. He needs some expert help and as the workings of the human mind isn't one of my strong subjects, I think bringing in someone who is an expert would be a good move.”

“Sounds like a good idea.” Bucky says quietly, wrapping his arms around himself.

“That will take time to sort out, plus Jarvis is continuing to decrypt Hydra files, which may also help. Meanwhile I recommend that we concentrate our efforts on finding out what else James here can tell us.” Tony says, “Also, we can take a look at that little black book you have there, Rogers. I'm guessing it's not a collection of contact details for all of the ladies you've taken dancing, or whatever you old timers used to call it back in the day?”

“Back in the day gals weren't exactly lining up to dance with a guy they could step on.” Steve states matter of factly.

Bucky stands there with a knowing smirk on his face, “Ain't that the truth!”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The little black notebook isn't the same as the infamous red one with a black star on the front, but it's still valuable.
> 
> I hope you all understand the reference to Metal Mickey, if you've no idea what I'm referring to please ask Mr Google, he knows pretty much everything :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get to see what happens at Tony's meeting to discuss how to help Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the long delay in getting this chapter up. I've been working on other projects that I hope to share with you at some point.
> 
> As always with my writing, please be aware that the spelling and use of language is in line with British use of English, as I am English. I do try to make anything said by American characters sound as authentic as I can. I have the help of my lovely American editor on that front.
> 
> I'm choosing not to include the events of Avengers: Age of Ultron, purely because I wanted to use JARVIS, not Vision.

A few days later Steve and Bucky walked into the common room in Avengers Tower for the meeting Tony had arranged to help Bucky.

The setting is less formal to start things off, in the hope that Bucky can feel a little more at ease. Tony and Pepper are standing in the kitchen area chatting quietly. Sam is engrossed in something on the TV. Thor is standing at the far side of the room looking out of the window. Next to him is a woman with long dark hair, dressed in Asgardian armour and a sword on her back, who Bucky hasn't seen before, but Steve identifies as Lady Sif.

“She looks kinda intimidating.” Bucky says in the quietest of tones, knowing full well that Steve's enhanced hearing will pick it up, but no one else would. He continues studying Lady Sif intently.

“Says the man with a metal arm.” Steve teases in an equally hushed tone, a cheeky smile on his face. He heads over to the kitchen area and adding much louder, ”Can I get you anything?”

“Water would be good.” Bucky replies as he moves over to the side of the room standing near the floor to ceiling windows, ensuring he has a full view of the room.

He watches as Lady Sif looks towards him, moves away from Thor and strides purposefully towards him.

“Ah, the enslaved warrior I have heard about. I understand your fellow humans tortured you and used you as a weapon.” Lady Sif states matter of factly, as she moves a bit closer to Bucky than he's comfortable with.

Bucky stares at Sif with an astonished look on his face, taking a moment to gather his thoughts and formulate a reply to such a direct approach.

Before he has time to speak, Thor joins Sif, “James, I apologise, you have not been introduced to the Lady Sif. Her approach can be a little… blunt, but I can assure you she means no disrespect.” Thor looks from Sif to Bucky, a warm smile on his face.

“Noted.” Bucky replies standing and looking closely at Sif. “A pleasure to make your acquaintance, ma’am.” Bucky's voice holding a hint of sarcasm in his tone. He holds out his hand.

Sif looks at Bucky and his outstretched right hand, then at Thor who whispers “He wishes to shake hands with you.”

“Oh yes, of course.” Sif says before taking hold of Bucky's hand in a near bone crushing grip and vigorously pumping his arm up and down a couple of times, before letting go. “Sorry, I am still becoming accustomed to Midgardian customs.”

Bucky looks down at his hand, which is throbbing slightly from being so tightly gripped. “You know that would've been much easier on me if we did that using left hands.” Bucky pushes the sleeves of his Henley up to his elbows, holds up his metal hand and flexes his fingers noting the same fascinated look on Sif’s face as he'd seen on Thor’s face just a few days ago.

“I would be careful being too curious with this one Sif, when I did that a few days ago James did not take it too well. We came to blows.” Thor explains.

“I believe I am more than a match for most human males.” Sif states proudly.

“Indeed, but James is fast, strong…”

“Has a metal arm.” Steve interrupts, handing Bucky a glass of water.

“Sounds like a familiar description.” A familiar female voice joins in the conversation.

“Nat. Didn't know you were here.” Steve turns to face Nat, before checking out the rest of the room to see who else was there.

“Looks like Barnes got himself in the best place in the room, no sneaking up on him.”

“Old habits. Plus, can't say how it'd play out if someone did manage to sneak up on me.” Bucky says taking a sip of water, before placing the glass down on a nearby coffee table.

“Not well, I imagine.” Steve say as he looks over to see Tony moving to the seating area as Pepper heads out of the room. He nods to acknowledge Tony as he approaches.

“I think everyone is here. Jarvis turn off the TV would you. Wilson, you can catch up with American Idol or whatever it was later.” Tony says waving his hand dismissively.

“Nah, he's probably watching Attenborough again, “Secret Life of Birds” is his favorite.” Bucky teases with a cheeky grin.

“At least I didn't star in ‘Life in the Freezer.””

“Didn't I see you on ‘Sesame Street’?” Bucky retorts.

“As I was saying.” Tony starts in a loud voice, before continuing more quietly, “We're all here, shall we get started?”

The group moves to sit on the various sofas that surround a central table, which doubles as an interactive surface with virtual holographic display floating above, allowing Jarvis to display anything relevant to the discussion.

“What is ‘Sesame Street’?”, Sif asks as she sits next to Thor who looks just a puzzled as she does.

“I have no idea.”

“Children's television.” Nat explains. “I'm just surprised that James knows what it is.”

Bucky smiles enigmatically as picks up his glass and moves to sit on the nearby sofa.

After a little longer than Tony would like, the group settles down and he begins. “Aside from the little revelation that the world's most deadly assassin watches ‘Sesame Street’, a fact I'm totally posting on my Twitter as soon as Jarvis has found me some security camera footage to back it up, what else have we learned recently? Jarvis a little recap please.”

Bucky scowls at Tony, placing his glass on a nearby coffee table.

“Certainly sir. The decryption of Hydra files continues, I believe the task will be completed within the next 24 hours. The recently discovered black notebook that Captain Rogers has in his possession has been scanned and I have completed the analysis of its content.”

A virtual display of the notebooks pages appears floating above the table and the words on the page transform from Russian into English, allowing everyone to read them.

“Where did it come from?” Bucky asks. Looking at Steve, who looks over to Nat.

“Retrieved on the mission I've just completed. Found it amongst the possessions of a deceased Hydra scientist.” Nat explains, her tone suggesting that further questioning about the discovery of the book would not be a good idea. But the unasked question ‘Was he dead when you found him?’ crosses everyone's minds.

“What's in the book, other than a means of controlling the Winter Soldier?” Sam asks.

“The book covers a variety of subjects.” Jarvis says. “It has a section that details that, but perhaps one of the most interesting things is it states that it's not the only book, it also tells of another more important one, a red bound…”

“With a black star on the front cover.” Bucky interrupts. Absentmindedly, rubbing the top of his left arm where the star is located.

“You know about it?” Steve asks, obviously surprised by Bucky's interruption.

“Only when Jarvis started to describe it. It was used to control me… The Winter Soldier, I mean.” Bucky replies, his confusion over own his identity showing through in both his words and demeanour.

“Sounds dangerous, do we know it's whereabouts?” Steve enquires.

“Still working on it.” Nat responds, “Could do with a bit of help on that front.’”

“We can discuss that later.” Tony confirms as he makes a note on his Stark Tablet.

“It's not the kind of thing that we'd want falling into the wrong hands. How much of what Hydra embedded is still there?” Steve asks as he shifts his gaze from Nat to Bucky.

“‘I'd guess everything.” Bucky runs his fingers through his hair, his fingers interlace at the back of his head, holding it back from his face, his forearms squeezing the sides of his head. “We've seen that you just need to say the damn words then I disappear and the Soldier takes over.” He says, letting go of his hair and allowing his hands to fall to his thighs, his expression one of dejection.

“We're all here to work out a strategy to help unpick the programming, to see if we can help you, Bucky.” Nat says reaching over and placing her left hand on his right hand, her thumb gently stroking the back of his hand.

Everyone watches the interaction between the two and Bucky's reaction to his name with interest. A faint smile teases his lips and he nods slightly. Nat squeezes Bucky's hand gently before letting go.

After a short pause Bucky says “Other than telling you everything I know, which isn't that much and is kind of fractured, there's not a lot I can do. I hope someone else has some ideas.” He sighs and looks over to Steve, who is wearing a concerned expression.

The room remains silent for a moment.

“Well Pepper has been bringing me up to speed on Stark Industries medical research projects that may help, some looks promising.” Tony says swiping some information off the screen of his tablet and onto the main holographic display.

“I've been speaking to a colleague at the VA. A top notch psychologist who I used to work with, she's on board.” Sam chips in.

“I have an idea that may help.” Thor states. “At my request Sif has been talking to our healers on Asgard.”

“Asgardian healers? Your equivalent of doctors?”

“Indeed, James. But our medical technology is very different to what you are accustomed to on Earth.” Thor replies, looking from Bucky to Sif.

“It is thought that the majority of treatment methods available on Asgard would not be suitable for a normal human, but when Thor described the effects of the super soldier serum that both yourself and Captain Rogers have had administered to you, it became apparent that some of our healing methods could be suitable. You may be able to withstand the treatment. Though it would be somewhat physically demanding.” Sif explains.

“I'm still getting used to the idea that Asgard is real, not just something that exists in mythology. And Norse gods are people too. I hadn't even thought that maybe help for me would be literally out of this world.” Bucky sighs raking his fingers thru his hair to push it out of his face.

“Asgard is very real, my friend. And I believe it may have the expertise to help you.” Thor says reaching over to reassure Bucky by placing a hand on his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of help lining up to help Bucky, the actual way to fix his shattered mind may be in the hands of a demigod.
> 
> Tony mentions American Idol, yes I know it's no longer on, but I'm guessing Tony isn't a fan and might not know that. I mean you don't honestly think he watches that kind of thing do you? Surely he's more a fan of Great British Bake Off? :D
> 
> I apologise if the formatting of my work is a little odd, I use Google Docs which may mess up the formatting on here.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The meeting drags on and it gives Bucky a headache. All he really wants to be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always with my writing, please be aware that the spelling and use of language is in line with British use of English, as I am English. I do try to make anything said by American characters sound as authentic as I can. I have the help of my lovely American editor on that front.
> 
> I'm choosing not to include the events of Avengers: Age of Ultron, purely because I wanted to use JARVIS, not Vision.
> 
> I'm not going to attempt to translate anything into foreign languages. When a character isn't speaking English it'll be indicated with pointed brackets at either end of the words spoken. Think of it as the written equivalent of subtitles :)

The meeting continues for another hour or so. Then the conversation starts to move on to planning how to track down and retrieve the red-bound book.

“My sources show that the book was last seen in the hands of one of the Winter Soldier’s handlers. Something confirmed in the files of the Hydra scientist I tracked down.” Nat explains.

“That's backed up by something Sam and I came across in a recent mission on the Russian-Ukrainian border, which makes more now.” Steve confirms.

“Yeah, dude by the name of Karpov, fairly high-ranking in the Soviet set-up, colonel I think.” Sam adds.

“Jarvis, do we have any info on a Colonel Karpov?” Tony asks.

“Yes, Sir. He fled Russia a few years after the collapse of the Soviet Union. He was replaced as handler of the Winter Soldier.” Jarvis states, bringing up Karpov’s file.

Bucky winces as a photo of Colonel Karpov is displayed. He drops his head.

“I'm guessing from Barnes reaction he remembers him.” Tony says, “Any idea where he ended up?”

“Hydra intelligence operatives appear to have kept track of him, Sir. His last known address is in Cleveland, Ohio.” Jarvis responds.

Over the next 20 minutes or so Bucky remains silent, his discomfort growing. After being alone for so long, he's keenly aware of feeling uncomfortable in a room with a group of people for long periods of time. Natasha sensing Bucky becoming increasingly withdrawn suggests a break for refreshments.

As the group fractures into smaller groups chatting amongst themselves, Bucky  remains seated. Leaning forward, his shoulders hunched making his sizeable frame look deceptively small, hands clasped with his forearms resting on his thighs, head down, his face completely obscured by his long hair.

Nat moves to sit next to Bucky. “James, are you ok?” Her voice is soft and gentle, trying to break through to him. Cautiously, she reaches out a hand to touch his arm, hoping to bring him out of his withdrawn state.

Almost immediately Bucky pulls away from Nat's touch, his head remains down, “I'm fine.” His voice is quiet but his tone is stern.

Looking round the room Nat sees everyone else talking: Sam has Steve's attention. Thor, Sif and Tony have moved to the kitchen area.

Switching to Russian Nat tries again. “<<You are not fooling anyone, Soldier. Least of all this Little Spider.>>”

Bucky turns his head to one side looking at Nat through his hair, before returning to staring at the floor once more. “<<Little Spider.>>” he mutters, his tone lighter than before, a faint smile teasing his lips.

“It’s ok to not be ok and admit you're not ok, you know?” Nat says smiling softly. She continues to study Bucky.

After a long pause Bucky replies slowly, “I can't cope with this, Nat. Too many people, it's taking too long. I just wanna go.” He straightens up, raising his head. Then rakes his fingers through his long hair pushing it out of his face and lets out a sigh.

“So go, make your excuses and go.”

“Mother hen over there won't get worried and come looking for me?” Bucky tilts his head to indicate Steve.

“Not if he knows where you've gone.” Nat pauses for a second. ”The book, we can manage without you.”

“I should really be involved with retrieving that damn book, but...”

“But nothing. We'll be fine. I promise we'll bring it back safely. Nobody will be able to use it to control you ever again.” Nat reassures as she reaches out and squeezes Bucky's hand.

“Thanks Nat. I'll feel better about it once it's in the right hands.” Bucky replies standing up and stretching a little. “Guess I better tell my babysitter where I'm going.” He continues with a laugh.

\----------------------------------

Bucky heads back towards his quarters in the tower. All this talk had given him a headache and right now all he wants is to be left alone.

 _Maybe I can be left alone to sleep, possibly for several days._ He thinks.

Except sleep isn't easy and his dreams are scrambled and the nightmares cause him to wake drenched in sweat and disorientated, if he's lucky.

Closing the door to his quarters behind him and hearing the lock engage with a satisfying click makes him feel more comfortable.

He glances at the control panel on the wall just inside the door which is a combined environmental control, interface with the building security system and contact point with Jarvis. Seeing everything set on the panel the way he wants, Bucky moves out of the entrance hall into through the main room and into the kitchen.

Like all of the quarters in the tower, with the exception of Tony's, which occupy an entire floor, Bucky's quarters are a self-contained one bedroom apartment. They are comprised of a bathroom on the left of the entrance corridor and a fair-sized bedroom on the right, which Bucky has never used, preferring instead to live in the main room. Off to one side of the main room is a small kitchen.

One of Bucky's first thoughts when he saw his new quarters was, ‘what am I gonna do with all this space?’  After that day in Washington he’d found safe houses, lived rough and ended up in tiny apartments. His fractured memories  before the war were of tiny apartments, nothing like this.

Unlike the other’s living quarters, Bucky's rooms are sparsely furnished. There is a mattress on the floor of the main room, a small table and chair next to the kitchen area. One of the few pieces of modern technology is the flatscreen TV mounted on one wall. Opposite the television is a sofa.

The interior is semi-darkened. Once he'd been shown how the privacy glass windows worked, he elected to leave the room in this darkened state on a near-permanent basis.

He also felt better when he discovered that not only is the glass bullet proof, but it couldn't be scanned for heat signatures from outside, making it virtually impossible for anyone outside the building to target someone inside. _No chance of a Hydra sniper targeting me._

Bucky takes a bottle of water from the fridge. Reaching into a drawer, he gets out a couple of painkillers before stepping back into the living area and plopping himself down on the sofa.

 _Maybe some food with these might be a good idea,_ he thinks as he downs the tablets with a mouth full of water. _Not up to cooking._ He gets up and grabs a chocolate bar he'd left on top of the fridge.

Moving back to the sofa, he mulls over all the events of the morning while eating, before switching on the TV and bringing up the entertainment menu, selecting the music option he scrolls through the list and selects a 1960s hits compilation. _Might as well continue catching up on what I missed._

After about an hour of listening to the music, running through the information he's heard that morning and making notes in a notebook, Bucky is aware that the headache is still lurking low-level in the background. He mutes the music and heads to the bathroom. Turning on the shower he strips, tossing some clothes into the laundry basket and folds others up and places them on the side next to the wash basin.

Stepping into the shower enclosure he adjusts the temperature till it's as hot as he can cope with, he listens to his metal arm making the by now familiar whirring noises as it closes the armour plates tightly to keep the water out. He turns to face the water flow placing both hands on the wall at shoulder height, shoulder width apart, bowing his head and letting the hot water run over the back of his head until the headache eases.

Eventually, after he has finished washing himself, Bucky steps out of the shower and grabs a towel to wrap round himself and a second one to towel dry his hair. Hanging that towel up to dry, grabs a brush and starts detangling his hair.

 _I'm sure this used to be easier._ He thinks as the brush snags in yet another knot. He finishes the task and stands looking at his reflection. His eyes drawn to the ugly scars that mark his otherwise flawless skin at the edge of the metal arm.

 _What happens if this thing goes wrong?_ He wonders. _Does Stark know enough about the arm to fix and maintain it? Maybe there's some info in the files Jarvis has been decoding?_

A knock at the door pulls him from his thoughts. _I don't even need to look._ Bucky thinks opening the door. “Steve.”

“Thought I'd come see how you are after you left the meeting earlier.” Steve says looking slightly bemused by Bucky's state of undress. “I can come back later if it's a bad time.”

“I just got out the shower.” Bucky replies, looking down at the towel wrapped round his waist, before stepping aside to let him in.

Steve steps in closing the door behind him and heads over to the sofa. He stands watching as Bucky grabs a pair of briefs and pulls them on before tossing the towel into the bathroom and searches through a pile of clothes on top of a small chest of drawers, pulling on a t-shirt and sweatpants.

“I had to leave, earlier. Was feeling a bit trapped. Plus, I got a lot to think about.” Bucky explains indicating the notebook.

“I know, just wanted to make sure you're ok?”

“Not bad, I guess. Got some big decisions ahead.”

“How about we grab some food and talk about it, if you like?”

Bucky hesitated, he was just about to say, _For gods sake Steve, leave me be while I think about this._ When his stomach rumbled loudly. Steve looked over raising an eyebrow.

“Not sure how much I wanna talk, but I could eat something.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky has a lot to think about and a big decision to make. Will he open up to his oldest friend?
> 
> \---------------
> 
> We're coming towards the end of the story, maybe one or two more to go.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky have a long overdue conversation with shocking revelations.
> 
> \---------------
> 
> A special shout out to my friend and beta reader Rob for his help through the writers block I suffered writing this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always with my writing, please be aware that the spelling and use of language is in line with British use of English, as I am English. I do try to make anything said by American characters sound as authentic as I can. I have the help of my lovely American editor on that front.
> 
> I'm choosing not to include the events of Avengers: Age of Ultron, purely because I wanted to use JARVIS, not Vision.

After a brief conversation about the merits of eating out over ordering in, it hadn't taken long for Bucky to get ready to go out. Bucky had pointed out that he hadn't left the tower in a few days and that a change of scenery might be just the thing to help him decide.

A quick chat with Sam had resulted in the recommendation of a very good pizza restaurant that could “even cope with your gargantuan appetites.” After a walk to the pizzeria, the two super-soldiers had settled into a quiet corner and set about eating their way through the menu.

Bucky leaned back in his chair. Wiping his mouth with a napkin, he let out a satisfied sigh. Dropping the napkin on his plate, he looked over at Steve, who was still demolishing his last slice of pizza.

“That was good.” Bucky said with a contented smile spreading across his face. “Your appetite hasn't changed, well not since the whole super-soldier thing.”

“You're managing to keep up, Pal.”

“Yeah, always hungry, since this.” Bucky replies holding up his metal arm. “But I recall… or I think I do… After you rescued me… “ Bucky's voice tailed off. He looked away from Steve, staring off into the middle distance.

“You could eat more.” Steve paused wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, “Peggy said you must have hollow legs.”

“Zola’s experiments, they changed me, helped me survive that day, when…” Bucky's voice tailed off again, glancing back towards Steve biting the inside of his cheek before his gaze returned to somewhere off in the middle distance.

Having finished eating, Steve sat looking at Bucky as he struggled to express himself. The moment Bucky mentioned that day, the day he didn't save him, Steve's head dropped, a guilty expression on his face. Sensing Steve's mood, Bucky looked back towards him.

“I should've…”

“It's not your fault, Steve, I know what you're gonna say and it's not.” Bucky interrupted, his tone firm. Steve glanced up to see Bucky leaning forward and looking directly at him. “I mean it, I know you did what you could. I don't wanna hear any more about it.”

Steve considered arguing with Bucky, but his expression backed up his insistence that he didn't want to hear any more about it. Steve managed a half smile, before looking away.

The two of them remained silent for a few minutes before Bucky spoke again.

“When I was being debriefed by SHIELD, they showed me some old files, classified ones. They detailed the tests the army medics ran on me after you rescued me. Seems the Doc in charge figured the experiments Zola performed on me were trying to replicate what Erskine did to you.”

Steve stared at Bucky, his thoughts racing. From the moment in D.C. when the mask came off the Winter Soldier, the shocking revelation that the man he'd been fighting was his best friend, he'd had so many questions. Now he found himself sitting across the table from Bucky, who despite saying he didn't want to talk about it, was doing just that.

“I … I honestly don't know what to say...”

“Understandable.” Bucky replied as he settled back in his seat.

Before Steve could continue their waitress approached the table, he was grateful that Bucky talked to her, allowing him the time he needed to gather his thoughts. Bucky flashed a brilliant smile and turned on the Barnes charm, just like he did in the days before the war, asking her for the check and making small talk.

Once the waitress was out of earshot Steve looked at Bucky, a lopsided smile on his face, “Some things don't change, you've still got a way with the gals that  I never had.”

Bucky smiled, “I'm guessing you weren't paying attention, Rogers. I might have turned on the charm, but…. well you'll see.”

Moments later, the waitress returned to the table placing the check in front of Steve and chatting with him. Bucky sat smiling a knowing smile. As the waitresses left Steve picked up the check and studied it for a second before realising why Bucky was smiling. Steve could feel his cheeks starting to flush.

“She's written something on there hasn't she?” Bucky's mischievous grin suggested he already knew the answer.

“You know damned well she has.”

“Told you that you weren't paying attention, you're the one with her phone number, not me.”

 

\-----------------------

 

Steve and Bucky walked in silence, making their way through the busy streets of New York, neither of them had asked where they were going, but they gravitated towards Central Park. It was a sunny day and the park seemed to be an obvious place to walk and talk or not talk or just to sit and watch the world go by.

Eventually, the two settled on a park bench in a relatively quiet area. Bucky kept the sleeves of his Henley pulled down hiding his metal arm, but had decided to leave the hand uncovered, tucking his left hand in the front pocket of his jeans when he felt he needed to hide it. After a few minutes, he looked over to Steve.

“I know you have a lot of questions. I guess I owe you some answers.”

“Yeah, but you don't have to talk it you don't want to.”

“It needs to be said.” Bucky sighed softly staring at the ground a few feet in front of him, his hair obscuring his face. He looked up from the spot on the ground, tucking his hair behind his ears.

“When my unit was captured in ‘43, before you rescued us, they took guys away to experiment on them. The guys didn't come back. Then one morning, they were looking through the prisoners, it was obvious they were looking for something… someone specific.” Bucky shuddered as he remembered. “They were looking at dog tags, they got to me, I was taken.”

Bucky paused, tears forming in his eyes as he relived the memory. He continued his voice quieter and more shaky than before. “They knew who I was, Steve. They had a file on me…” his voice tailed off.

Steve continued looking at Bucky, wondering if he should say something or not.

Bucky remained silent, more tears welling up in his eyes, but remaining unshed. He'd got this far, now he needed to continue to tell the story he'd kept to himself about the events that happened in that Hydra facility.

“They targeted me Steve, they knew I was Captain America’s best friend. Even before I knew what had happened to you, the whole…” Bucky gestured indicating Steve's muscular frame, “serum thing, they knew. They knew about you and that James Barnes was your best friend.”

He paused again, looking at Steve who had a shocked look on his face. Bucky held his hand up, stopping Steve who looked like he was about to try and say something, then carried on. “Don't Steve, or I may never be able to… they took me once they'd done enough experiments on the other guys. Once they figured it wouldn't kill me and they started the process of turning me into this… the monster I became. Turning Captian America’s best friend against him. They planned to bring you down, destroy you, using me.”

Bucky finally fell silent and remained that way, the only sound he made was as his breathing hitched slightly as he struggled to prevent his unshed tears stinging his eyes. Steve was also silent; his mind racing as he processed the information Bucky had shared with him. After what seemed like an eternity, Steve reached out and placed his hand on Bucky's shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze.

Bucky let out a half strangled sob, a loud sniffle and what sounded a bit like a hiccup, then with one final sniff he wiped his nose on the back of his hand. Steve reached into his pocket and handed him a clean handkerchief. Taking it Bucky blew his nose and wiped his eyes and the back of his hand. He sat holding the handkerchief in both hands staring at it intently.

Steve cleared his throat, which made Bucky glance up from fiddling with the handkerchief. Steve’s expression suggested that he'd finally figured out what to say but was wondering how to put it. “You know while we… Me and Sam… were looking for you, well we came across some files.” Bucky raised an eyebrow quizzically, but remained silent.

“What they had in them makes sense now.” Steve continued. “They said that Zola had been experimenting on the captured soldiers, that some died. It mentioned that you were a suitable candidate for some classified project, but there was nothing of the nature of project.” Steve let out a huge sigh, “God James, I'm so sorry that you went through all of that.”

“None of it's your fault, Steve.” Bucky replies forcing a smile as he tucked the handkerchief into his pocket.

“Yeah, but if I hadn't been so desperate to go to war, none of this would've happened. If Erskine hadn't selected me to become this… a super-soldier, then you wouldn't have been targeted by Zola. You might have got away or been held as a POW, freed at the end of the war and come home to live a normal life. Got married, had kids and grandkids, grown old.” Steve paused to draw breath before continuing, “My selfish desire to not get left behind, to go to war, robbed you of a normal life…”

“Really, Rogers?” Bucky interrupted, his tone a mixture of anger and incredulity. He rose and walked a couple of paces before turning to face Steve and continuing, “How the hell did you get to that conclusion? How exactly is it your fault? It’s a helluva stretch, making it all your fault, Jeez! I don't believe you at times!”

Before Steve could say anything Bucky turned and strode off in the direction of Avengers Tower, angrily ranting “Captain America trying to take the blame for something that clearly isn't his fault, yet again!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky must be wondering if there's anything Steve won't try to take the blame for.
> 
> \--------------------
> 
> Apologies for the long delay in updating this, my story for Bucky's 100th birthday stole my attention. The good news is I'm already working on the next chapter.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky finds out more about going to Asgard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always with my writing, please be aware that the spelling and use of language is in line with British use of English, as I am English. I do try to make anything said by American characters sound as authentic as I can. I have the help of my lovely American editor on that front.
> 
> I'm choosing not to include the events of Avengers: Age of Ultron, purely because I wanted to use JARVIS, not Vision.

 

Steve and Bucky walked from Central Park towards Avengers Tower in stony silence. Steve's attempts to engage Bucky in conversation were met with a cold hard stare in Steve's direction before Bucky returned to looking where he was going.

A few blocks from the tower, Bucky again turned to glare at Steve and accidentally walked into a man, who got as far as “Hey buddy! Try looking where you’re g… “ before Bucky turned to fix him with his best murder stare.

The man, who had just registered Bucky's sizable frame and expression, finished his remark with ““Ah… Oh… Forget I said anything,” while backing off rapidly and scrambling to get away.

Once the man had gone, Bucky broke out in a huge smile, as did Steve and within a few moments both men were laughing about the incident.

The remainder of the walk to the tower was much less tense. Once inside, Bucky heads to the stairs, “You can take the elevator if you like, but given how I feel, I don't wanna be cooped up in there. I'll take the stairs.”

Steve smiles sympathetically, “I can understand that, I had a less than pleasant experience in one.” He pauses recalling the elevator in the triskellion.

Bucky arches an eyebrow quizzically.

“I’ll tell you about it one day.” Steve quickly changes the subject, “You do know how many floors it is, right?”

Bucky nods and heads through the door to the staircase with Steve immediately behind him. The pair begin climbing. A little over half way up Bucky looks round at Steve. “I've been thinking.”

“About?”

“Going with Thor to Asgard.”

Steve stops halfway up a flight of stairs, “Are you sure?”

Bucky also comes to a halt, turning to look down at Steve. “Well, I want to talk to Thor and Sif a bit more, but it would make sense for me to at least go there and talk to their medics, see if it's possible for them to help.”

“Sounds like a good idea.”

“And it would give me something to do while you and the others go after the red book.”

“Yeah. We've got a bit of work to do on that, but we’re nearly ready to go after it.”

The pair resumed climbing, heading to the common room.

Seeing the common room empty, Steve touches the panel next to the doorway “Jarvis, is Thor still in the building?”

“Yes, Captain. He is in his quarters with Lady Sif. Would you like me to contact him for you?”

“Yes please. Ask him if he's not busy, Bucky, sorry James, and I would like to talk with him and Sif.”

“Very well, Captain.”

Steve steps away from the panel and looks around the room to locate Bucky, who is in the kitchen area brewing coffee.

“Want one?” Bucky asks indicating the coffee. Steve nods and Bucky grabs a pair of mugs and begins pouring.

“You struggle with that don't you?” Bucky asks as he places a mug in front of Steve.  

“What? You mean calling you James? Yeah.” Steve replies, adding milk and sugar to the coffee and stirring it absentmindedly.

“I get it, but I'm not him. I'm not Bucky Barnes, well not the one that you grew up with and who went to war.”

Steve half smiles, “I know. But you're not the Winter Soldier either.”

“True, I'm James for now at least. Maybe one day, when I'm ready when I feel closer to who I was before, maybe then I'll be comfortable with being called Bucky.”

“Maybe when you're freed from the things Hydra did to you?” Thor interrupts from the doorway as he walks in.

“Thor, thanks for coming.” Steve says placing his coffee mug on the kitchen counter.

“A pleasure, my friend.” Thor replies, placing a hand on Steve's shoulder.

“That smells good, is there any left, James?”

Bucky smiles, “Yeah, there's plenty left, I'll pour you a large one.”

Steve looks round the room, “No Sif?”

“She will be along momentarily, she was acquainting herself with ‘Sesame Street’.” Thor replies, smiling in a way that suggests Sif's reaction to the program was amusing.

“Judging by your expression she didn't react how you expected, care to share?” Steve asks.

Thor remains silent for a few minutes, obviously thinking about the situation before replying. “I cannot my friend, I'm sworn to secrecy, on pain of death.” He picks up the coffee that Bucky placed in front of him.

“He has already said more than enough.” Sif says as she walks into the room approaching Thor. She glares at him before taking the coffee mug from his hand and walking over to the seating area with it.

Thor stood looking from his now empty hand, to where Sif was and back to his hand again. “Some people have no respect.” His tone one of feigned shock.

“And some people need to learn how to keep their mouth shut.” Sif fired back.

“I'll get you another one.” Bucky interjected.

“Thank you, my friend.”

Bucky poured another coffee for Thor and hands it to him before moving over to the seating area to join Sif. Steve and Thor follow. The four sit on the sofas surrounding the central coffee table, which also acts as an interactive surface and virtual display.

“You know if Tony was running this he'd have a whole load of fancy graphics and video clips on this virtual display of his, even if they weren't necessary.” Steve mused.

“This is true.” Thor agreed. “Asgardian technology is much different to this. Though I have always suspected this,” Thor gestures to indicate the virtual display, “is easier to use than Stark lets on.”

“Probably is.” Steve replies, smiling.

The room falls silent momentarily before Sif breaks the silence. “It is reasonably straight forward to use.” She pauses as she becomes aware that all three men are looking somewhat surprised by her revelation. “I learned about a similar device on board the aircraft used by Agent Coulson. The one they call Simmons showed me.”

“When you came here to recapture the fugitive Lorelei?” Thor asks to which Sif nods.

Thor turns his attention to Bucky, “What is on your mind, James?”

“I’ve been thinking about going with you to Asgard, so that I can at least talk to your medics, see if they can help me.”

Thor nods, taking a sip of his coffee, but remains silent.

“I need to know what's involved. How does someone even get there?”

“Well, when we are ready to go, Heimdall will open a portal and we will be transported to Asgard.”

“Oh, okay.” Bucky replies looking surprised by the matter of fact description Thor had just given. “You make it sound like it’s an every day occurrence.”

“Well it is, but not from your point of view.”

Bucky nods.

“It is quick and harmless.”

“Good. What happens when we get there?”

“Well, you will be my honoured guest, you will of course stay in the palace. Sif and I can arrange meetings with our healers, who will assess you and draw up a plan to treat you.”

\---------------------------

Around an hour later, once Thor and Sif had answered the questions as well as they could, Bucky felt a bit more comfortable with the idea of going with Thor.

“Thanks for the information.” Bucky said, “I think I need some time to take that in.”

“I can understand that.” Thor replies.

Bucky scrubs his hands over his face, “I'm gonna to go get some rest. Or at least try to. ” He says as he stands and stretches. Picking up the empty coffee mugs, he places them in the kitchen area and starts to walk out.

“Don't forget there's a briefing at 9am.” Steve calls after him.

Bucky stops, turns and salutes Steve. “Yes, Captain.” Before turning on his heel and continuing to walk away.

Steve shakes his head and waves him away, “Get out of here.” He smiles and turns to Thor, “You know he’s so different to the guy I remember before the war, but just every now and again…” His voice trails off.

“He does something that is exactly how you remember him.” Thor finishes.

Steve smiles wearily, nodding slightly before saying “I know we've gone through this with James, but do you really think your healers can free him from what Hydra did to him?”

“I do. I understand your concern for your friend, but I'm confident we can help, can't we?” Thor states in a calm and even tone, as he glances over to Sif.

“I have seen with my own eyes warriors who have had their minds controlled, their whole personality altered and who became someone else. They have recovered with the help of our healers.” Sif confirms, her tone and body language suggesting that it had been someone close that she had seen treated.

“That's reassuring.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is nearing completion. This chapter was going to be the last one, followed by a epilogue. However this chapter went long, so I decided to split it in two. Chapter 9 should be the last part of the story, then there will be an epilogue. The upside of this is that as chapter 9 is nearly complete. 
> 
> (The chapter count has been updated accordingly.)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky attends morning briefing and then gets an unexpected visitor to his quarters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always with my writing, please be aware that the spelling and use of language is in line with British use of English, as I am English. I do try to make anything said by American characters sound as authentic as I can. I have the help of my lovely American editor on that front.
> 
> I'm choosing not to include the events of Avengers: Age of Ultron, purely because I wanted to use JARVIS, not Vision. The Avengers would have visited Sokovia in pursuit of Loki's staff, but Tony never created Ultron.

The following morning the briefing was well underway when Bucky eventually showed, looking like he hadn't slept. His long hair wet-through looking like he'd taken a shower to wake himself, but it hadn't really had any effect. His beard growth looked scruffier than it had been recently and there were very noticeable dark circles round his eyes. He pulled up a chair at the meeting room table, stifling a yawn.

“Nice of you to join us, Barnes.” Tony deadpans.

Bucky’s response is to mutter something under his breath, which only Steve appears to hear clearly, thanks to his enhanced hearing, “Language!”

Bucky turns to face Steve, “Really, Rogers? Since when were you bothered by bad language?”

“Sokovia. And when did tall, dark and dangerous turn into a sulky, emo teenager?” Tony replies.

“What the hell is ‘emo’?” Bucky growls.

“I'll explain later.” Nat replies, placing a large coffee mug in front of Bucky.

“Thanks, didn't see you there.”

“May we continue? Or is there something else you need? Perhaps you need some grooming advice? Maybe Romanoff can do something with your hair to stop you looking like a wet spaniel?” Tony asks.

Nat and Bucky look at each other and simultaneously turn and stare at Tony, who continues “Or maybe not.”

“Ok, let's get back to what we were talking about. James won't be involved with the mission to retrieve the red book.” Steve states, trying to get things back on track.

“Right, so who will be on the team?” Tony replies, looking a little unsettled by Nat and Bucky’s reaction to his customary snarky remarks.

“Myself, Nat and Sam.”

“Small team. Presumably a reasonably easy retrieval mission?” Tony asks.

“That's the plan. The latest intel we have suggests it ought to be.”

“I do wish you hadn’t said that. You do know it's gonna go to hell now, don't you?” Sam says.

Steve shakes his head, “It'll be fine, Barton has been on surveillance; the reports are all good. I can get him to lend a hand, if needed.”

“Well I'm happy to get some time to work on my projects, if I'm not gonna be involved. Our new tech doesn't just make itself you know.” Tony says. “ Presumably you're not taking Thor as he might possibly stand out a bit.”

“I don't know why people think I don't blend in. I have been here long enough to learn how to avoid drawing attention to myself.” Thor replies in a calm even tone, lifting Mjolnir from his lap, using it to gesture with as he speaks, then flipping it round in his hand a couple of times, before placing it on the table in front of him, suppressing a smile.

Tony’s response is to roll his eyes and mutter, “Funny guy.” The others in the room just smile.

Thor continues, “I have other business with James.”

“Yeah, after a chat with Thor and Sif yesterday, I've decided that going with Thor to Asgard would be a good move.” Bucky confirms.

“Well all things considered our resident demigod has access to things literally out of this world.” Tony replies.

“And I'm confident our healers can help James.”

“If they can fix you doesn't that make us retrieving the red book less of a priority?” Sam asks, looking at Bucky for clarification.

“No matter what happens retrieving that damn book should be done as soon as possible.” Bucky states in a bitter tone. “Whether Thor's people can help or not, I wanna know that thing is in the right hands.”

“Just checking.” Sam replies.

“How soon were you planning on going?” Nat asks.

“Well I don't exactly have a lot to do at the moment. So I'm good to go whenever Thor’s ready.” Bucky answers. “Unless its inadvisable to travel while being dog-tired.”

“Dog-tired?” Thor asks.

“Exhausted.” Steve explains.

“While it doesn't really matter, it may be a good idea if you get some rest. You do look like you haven't slept, my friend.” Thor answers.

Bucky stifles another yawn before replying ”It feels like I haven't slept in days.” He rubs his hands down his face before pushing his still damp hair out of his face.

“Well it looks like we have the outline of a plan. I'll schedule a team meeting for the book retrieval mission. Thor and James can sort out their schedule. If there's nothing else, we can call it a day.” Steve summarises.

“If anyone needs me I'll be in my lab.” Tony says as he stands.

The others also start to leave the room, Nat answers her phone, Sam and Steve begin talking, Thor stands and looks over to Bucky who is still seated and staring intently at Mjolnir.

“I know that expression. You're wondering if it's true, are you not?” Thor asks.

“What?”

“That only I can lift it.” Thor replies indicating the hammer.

“I did wonder. I guess most people do.” Bucky shrugs.

“They do. All of these have tried.”Thor confirms, smiling.

“And failed, I assume?” Bucky asks.

“Indeed, but it was a source of much amusement. Try if you wish.”

Bucky stands, still looking at the hammer. “I think better men than me have tried, I'm even less likely to be worthy.”

Thor lets out a sigh, his expression visibly saddened  “As you wish.” He pauses for a moment before adding, “I think you are too hard on yourself, my friend.”

“You think I could lift it?” Bucky asks, as he steps away from the table.

“Gods no!” Thor exclaims laughing heartily. He picks up Mjolnir with one hand and places the other on the shoulder of a now very baffled looking Bucky.

“What I mean is in the short time I have known you James, you have been very hard on yourself on more than one occasion. I do not believe you are the monster you think you are.”

Bucky looks at Thor, raising an eyebrow quizzically.

“While Sif was watching TV yesterday, I took the liberty of asking Jarvis to give me the details of your history. It's a prudent move that I learn as much as I can about the man I am asking our healers to work with. I focused not on your recent past as the Winter Soldier. Instead I decided to learn as much as I could about James Buchanan Barnes. A good man, brave, loyal, intelligent, a supportive friend.” Thor tailed off, seeing Bucky's head had dropped and he was staring at his feet. “A man who should be confident enough to think he may stand a chance of lifting the hammer, even if there is no possibility of him being able to do so.”

Bucky looked up pushing his hair out of his face, the faintest trace of a smile teasing his lips. “Thor, you give pep talks like nobody else I know.”

“I shall take that as a compliment, plus Sif likes you and I know her to be an excellent judge of character.” Thor beamed as he and Bucky walked slowly from the meeting room.

“She does?” Bucky replied an astonished look on his face.

“She does.” Thor confirmed. “Now I think you really need to return to your quarters and rest, we can leave for Asgard once you are properly rested and have said goodbye to your friends.”

\------------------

Bucky returned to his quarters, sat down on the sofa and closed his eyes for a moment. The next thing he knew he's woken by a knock on the door. Looking over to the clock, he realises he's been asleep for several hours and it's now late afternoon.

Opening the door he's surprised to find Tony standing there, turned sideways to the door, looking away as if momentarily distracted by something.

“Ah, Sarge. Good to see you looking a bit more awake than earlier.” Tony says his tone warm and friendly, which immediately makes Bucky suspicious.

“What do you want, Stark?” Bucky replies. His tone curt.

“I know I'm probably the last person you expected.”

“Now there's an understatement.” Bucky interrupted.

“I guess we haven't got off to the best of starts, but I think we ought to do something about that.” Tony continued.

Bucky's response is to look even more baffled.

Tony presses on, “As you're planning on leaving us soon I figured, given my expertise, that I was the right man for the job when it comes to giving you an appropriate send off.”

“The last thing I need is some big party. I'll pass.”

“Not so fast, Buckaroo. I figured you'd say that. Do I look like the kind of guy who is that insensitive to someone's needs?” Tony replies, holding up a hand to stop Bucky from replying. “I've arranged for a nice quiet little get together in our common room, hopefully with enough food to keep up with a couple of super soldier’s appetites.”

“Oh.”

“There will be just the guys there, we’ll have a few drinks, a little music and some conversation. Nothing too fancy.”

“That doesn't sound like you Stark. I've heard about your epic parties.”

“Well I admit I had a little help from Pepper on that front. She kind of reigned in my excessive tendencies.”

“She might make an honest man of you yet.” Bucky said evenly, a slight smile teasing his lips.

“Hah, not likely any time soon.” Tony laughs, “Anyhow while she and Nat work on organizing things, I thought I'd take this opportunity to show you something.”

“Like?”

“Well if you get yourself ready for our little shindig and meet me in my lab in, say 20 minutes, you'll find out.” Seeing a wary look on Bucky's face Tony finishes, “Don't worry it's nothing unpleasant.”

Bucky's reply is a noncommittal hum.

“Humor me, would you?”

\------------------

A little over 20 minutes later Bucky arrives at Stark's lab, dressed in a pair of black jeans, converse and a simple navy blue t-shirt.

“I did wonder if you'd show.” Tony says, stepping away from the computer console he'd been working at.

“Figured I might as well; maybe my curiosity got the better of me.”

Tony walks over to a display panel that takes up the majority of one wall. “While I was reading up on yours and Cap’s history I came across something very interesting. I thought I'd share.”

“Right.” Bucky replies, still looking wary.

“Now if Cap is as punctual as normal he ought to be here any second.”

“You asked Steve, too?” Bucky asks, sounding surprised.

“Yeah, I wanted to show you both. Plus, I had him as an insurance policy, just in case you didn't show. Speaking of Steve, nice of you to come.” Tony says looking over to Steve as he walks in.

“Maybe you piqued my curiosity.”

“As you're both here, I thought I'd share something I found in Dad’s archive. As I just said to James, I came across something while looking into your history.”

“Okay.” Steve says a tone of uncertainty in his voice.

“I'll take you back to just before Sarge here left for England. Now I know I might be on shaky ground with you, but do you recall this?” Tony asks looking at Bucky as he puts up images of Howard’s flying car demo on the screen.

“Yeah, I do actually.” Bucky replies smiling.

“Well, I thought it'd be nice for you guys to see what became of it. I understand Jim-Bob here was a bit of a science nut, back in the day.” Tony says. His tone warm and friendly.

Bucky laughed, “Yeah, when we went to the expo I said we were going to the future. And here we are.”

Steve smiles too as he watches Bucky laughing and smiling. Thinking to himself that while Bucky may look quite different, he's currently behaving much more like the Bucky he remembers.

\-----------------

After around an hour of Tony showing them items from Howard's archive and chatting, mostly with Bucky, the trio are interrupted by Jarvis.

“Pardon the interruption, Sir. Miss Potts asked me to inform you that everything is ready and the other guests are waiting.”

“Be right there,” Tony replies, before turning to Bucky who was looking through some old photos. “Looks like we're keeping everyone waiting.”

“Thanks for this, Stark. I've really enjoyed it. It's stirred up some really good memories.”

“Well that’s good, how about we go grab a beer and you two old guys can regale us youngsters with some stories from back in the day.” Tony says placing a hand on Bucky's shoulder and giving it a squeeze.

“Sure, why not? Might even tell you about some of the trouble this little punk used to get into.” Bucky replies, looking over at Steve and smiling.

“Well you've changed your tune from earlier, let's go. I wanna hear all about when this guy was a little shrimp.” Tony says laughing as he and Bucky walked out of the lab. Steve is trailing behind, trying to look a bit annoyed when they look at him, but smiling to himself when they're not looking, happy to see Bucky actually enjoying himself.

\-----------------

A few minutes later Steve, Tony and Bucky arrive in the common room. Along one wall there is a long line of tables which appear to be groaning under the weight of the food. The food appears to represent a wide selection of world cuisines and the bar appears to be equally well-stocked.

Within a few minutes of the trio arriving in the common room everyone settles down with some food and a drink. The group breaks into smaller groups as everyone starts talking amongst themselves, Thor and Steve return to the tables for more food, with Steve helping Thor identify some of the foods he hasn't seen before.

Bucky turns to Tony and teases him, “So much for a little get together, Stark.”

“I did say the catering would be enough to cope with both yours and Steve's gargantuan appetites.” Tony smiles looking over at the food.

“This is true.” Bucky laughs.”I suppose I ought to get some more before those two eat it all.”

“Help yourself, Jim-Bob. We can always order in some more. Just don't eat so much that you bankrupt me, okay?” Tony replies, attempting to squeeze Bucky's left shoulder, before adding “Damn it, wrong one! That one's hard.” Shaking his right hand which obviously ached somewhat, but laughing quietly to himself for making such a basic error.

Bucky chuckles, “I even made it easier for you to spot. Stark, I left it half uncovered.” He holds up his left arm emphasising the fact that he's wearing a t-shirt, light glittering off his metal forearm and hand.

Tony makes a gesture shooing Bucky away, “Go eat!”

\-----------------

Bucky stands at the bar with a beer when Steve comes over. Steve orders a beer and the two men stand in comfortable silence drinking, watching the others drinking, playing various games and enjoying themselves.

Eventually Steve turns to Bucky asking “So you're really going to do this?”

“What? Go with Thor? Yeah.”

“Just thought I'd make sure you were sure.”

“I am, and you can get me that damn book while I'm gone.”

“Count on it, Pal.” Steve replies placing a hand on Bucky's shoulder.

Bucky smiles and nods, “Now let's get back to enjoying my leaving party. There may not be gals to go dancing with, but this time you're not bailing on me part way through the night.”

<\----------------- xXx ----------------->  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're all done with the story now. But there will be an epilogue. So we get to see what happened to Bucky when he got back from Asgard.
> 
> I've deliberately posted this on Sebastian's 35th birthday, consider it a birthday present.


	10. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We join Bucky a few months after he returned from Asgard and just before an important event.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always with my writing, please be aware that the spelling and use of language is in line with British use of English, as I am English. I do try to make anything said by American characters sound as authentic as I can. I have the help of my lovely American editor on that front.
> 
> I'm choosing not to include the events of Avengers: Age of Ultron, purely because I wanted to use JARVIS, not Vision.

Bucky stood admiring the view from the roof terrace garden of Avengers Tower. It was mid-morning and the city was bustling below. He clutched a large mug of coffee in his hands, warming his right hand on the mug, even though he wasn't particularly cold. He could feel some sensation that approximated warmth in his left hand too. During the time he'd spent in Asgard, Tony had been working on upgrades for his metal arm. Not long after he returned, Tony had talked him through the improvements he could make to the arm and proved he understood not only how to maintain the arm but also how to improve things for him.

A few days later, the obsolete circuitry had been removed from his metal arm. Then Tony's upgrades had been installed. For the first time in longer than Bucky could remember, the metal arm no longer gave him pain and he could actually feel more with it. While it'd never be the same as his right arm, it was a vast improvement. Except, of course, now it could look like his other arm, if he wanted. Tony's new technology included a hologram generator. It gave the arm the appearance of a real flesh and blood arm, though it still felt like a metal arm to the touch. “This is just a first pass, let me have feedback. I can work on making it feel like a real arm to the touch later, Buckaroo.” Tony had assured.

Bucky's thoughts were brought back to the present as he heard footsteps behind him. “Morning Steve.” Bucky said without bothering to look round.

“Morning, you sure you're ready for this?” Steve asked, hoping the concern he felt didn't show in his tone of voice.

“What? The big announcement Tony's PR people have arranged? Yeah. I'm ready.” Bucky's voice steady and even.

“A few dozen reporters in a room and lots of questions to deal with, doesn't sound like the kind of thing you'd have liked to do before your trip to Asgard.” Steve replied sounding bemused.

“Yeah.” Bucky let out a hollow laugh, “But with the Hydra programming gone, my mind is my own again. Plus, the time is right, after all, I’ve spent a lot of time with the PR team. Anyway you have to introduce me, so you don't get off Scot free.”

“The official unveiling of James Barnes, the Winter Soldier, as an Avenger. Who'd have thought the public would accept Winter Soldier as a good guy?”

“The PR team have done a great job on selling the whole POW, heroic sacrifice, victim-not-villain thing, plus they're okay with Black Widow, former Soviet Assassin. The work Nat, Sam and I have been doing with the public helped.”

“True. But if you don't want the next thing you're remembered for is being late for your big moment then you best get ready.”

“Yeah, I'll see you outside the press conference room in about an hour. Got just long enough to make myself presentable.” Bucky laughed and started to walk back inside with Steve trailing a few steps behind. “You best clean yourself up too, Pal.”

Once back in his newly redecorated quarters Bucky checked everything was ready for him. When he had returned from Asgard he had changed things around, finally started to use the bedroom and re-furnished the whole place. He had even stopped leaving the privacy glass tinted during the day.

He showered, dried off and pulled on a pair of briefs and a black, sleeveless, baselayer top that fitted like a second skin. With Pepper’s words about appearance and presentation still fresh in his mind, Bucky decided now was probably the time to make a change.

He picked up a his brush and untangled his long hair, before opening the bathroom cabinet and picking up some newly acquired styling product, working it into his hair, brushing it back, ensuring it was neatly slicked back in a manner similar to how he styled it before the war. Only now his hair was considerably longer. In order to make it neat he grabbed a hair tie, gathered his hair up and secured it in a neat manbun at the nape of his neck.

After checking his handy work in the mirror, he turned his attention to his beard, while not particularly untidy, it was longer than it had been recently.

Around 20 minutes later he left the bathroom clean-shaved with neatly trimmed sideburns, the same as he had back-in-the-day. Crossing the hall into his bedroom he picked up the garments that comprised his new “super suit,” as Tony had called it.

The outfit was very similar to the one Hawkeye wore, but the jacket had sleeves. Bucky had looked at Tony when he showed it to him and said “What part of ‘no left sleeve’ do you not understand, Stark?” Tony’s response was to smile before showing off a series of buttons concealed inside the collar of the jacket. “Don't get your panties in a twist, Princess. These retract the sleeves individually, this adjusts the fit, make it as form fitting as you like. Whole thing is armored but flexible, it’ll keep you warm when it's cold, cool when it's hot and there's a remote sensor that allows us to tighten the collar up and choke you out, if you decided to go all psycho Soviet assassin on us again.” Further discussion revealed that Tony was joking about the collar choking him out, but Bucky still wasn't quite sure he believed him.

The black trousers initially loose fitting adjusted to fit snugly when he fastened them and activated the button concealed inside the back of his belt buckle. His new boots were both sturdy and comfortable. The new leather jacket slipped on and fastened easily, before Bucky retracted the left sleeve and tightened it up so it fit snugly. As soon as the jacket finished adjusting, straps emerged from the shoulders and waist forming a harness and holsters that would allow him to carry his choice of weapons.

Looking himself up and down in a mirror, Bucky temporarily froze in place, before snapping himself out of his thoughts. He drew in a slow, deep breath before letting it out just as slowly, then turned on his heel and strode confidently out of his quarters.

A few moments later, he arrived in the corridor outside the press conference room. Steve in his Captain America uniform, shield clipped to his back, was talking to Nat and Sam, both of whom are dressed in normal clothes. Tony, dressed in a very expensive looking three piece suit, was talking to Pepper, who is equally smartly dressed.

Pepper is the first to notice him. “Wow, you look amazing.”

Tony chimes in, “Here with five minutes to spare. Can I make a minor adjustment to the suit?”

Bucky looks at him warily. “If you're gonna cover up the metal arm then no.”

“No, no, don't worry, Robocop. Just going to retract the weapons harness. Holsters and such, empty or not, are not really the look we're going for.” Tony replies smoothly, as he carefully reaches inside the collar of Bucky's jacket and presses a button and the harness disappears.

Bucky looks over to Steve who is still wrapped in conversation. Bucky raised his voice asking, “Anyone told him he looks like a turtle with that thing on his back?”

The conversation between Steve, Sam and Nat stops immediately and they all look round at Bucky, but before Steve can speak Sam replies, “Quite a change there Barnes, you almost look presentable.”

“Shut up, Birdy.”

“Oh Sam, be nice to him! He looks very handsome.” Pepper chastises.

“Almost time Sarge.” Tony states, “You ready?”

“As I'll ever be.” Bucky replies, looking a little apprehensive.

Nat steps over to him and gives him a hug, “You'll be fine. Sam and I will be at the back of the room as moral support.”

“Thanks Nat, that means a lot to me.”

Bucky looked at the others. Pepper stood next to the door to the press conference room and nodded to Tony who lined up next to her, with Steve on his other side. Bucky hesitated for a moment.

Spotting this Steve says in an encouraging tone. “Come on. It's time, James.”

Closing the gap between himself and the others Bucky replies in a loud and clear tone, “My name is Bucky.”

 

<\------o-O-o------>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first multi chapter story is complete. And we leave Bucky in a better place than he was. His mind is his own again and he's about to officially become an Avenger. Finally he's happy being called Bucky again. A happy ending of sorts.
> 
> Thank you for being so patient with me over the many months it's taken me to write this. Also thanks to my editor and beta readers for their input, feedback and support. Their help, as always, is appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think, I'm happy to hear any feedback or constructive criticism.
> 
> If you spot any errors that myself and my editor have missed let me know and I'll fix as soon as I can.


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